Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Ball Deep Video Taunt

Two can play at this game, Ball Deep!

(Hi-res version)

Prepare to be dominated.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Varsity v. Jackass

Varsity is the awesomest team on the WKL.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Space Tractor v. Ave Rats

Wow, Space Tractor, you amaze me. This game was definitely the most exciting of the season.

Our opponents tonight were the Ave Rats, and the night started out awesome. We constructed a Space Cat to intimidate our rodential enemies out of foam and tinfoil. It was a frightening sight indeed. We sent one of our own (thanks, Randy) to infiltrate the inner sanctum of the Ave Rats as the Space Cat approached the field. Randy looked just like a real Ave Rat, with filthy trousers and a sign that said "Ave Rat" affixed to his shirt (the sign really sealed the deal). He began spanging as only an Ave Rat can, and we retorted with "Change? You want change? How about WKL champs in 2006, 0-2 in 2007? That's change!" Then we danced like idiots. We won the taunt, of course (4-0 on taunts!) and then the game began.

I think this game flip-flopped every inning. We started out ahead, the Rats scored two, we countered, etc. There were some phenomenal errors on the field, with the kickball flying here, there, over there, WAAAAY over there, Rats slinking between bases like vermin the whole time. Matt Daniels had flawless at-bats, with three ups and three doubles. In fact, there was great kicking by all Tractors; our strength tonight was definitely our offense.

We finished the fifth inning with nine runs to their seven, but the Rats had last at-bat. With the bases loaded, two outs, and no runs scored, it looked pretty sweet for ST. The kicker lobbed a pop fly out to left field, right to Matt Daniels. A collective sigh of relief washed over Space Tractor, and your captain even started jogging toward the dugout, sure of another glorious win. But then something happened.

Matt disappeared.

I'm not sure exactly what happened. Trap door, perhaps. An invisible Ave Rat under the grass, more likely. Or maybe it was just the tread on his running shoes.

Matt was down and the ball bounced and bounced while Ave Rats rounded the bases. The game was over. Ave Rats 10, your beloved Space Tractor 9.

Mr. Daniels definitely gets MVP for this game, and while I'd love to award him LVP as well, I'm going to go ahead and bestow that honor on his shoes. Fuck you, shoes.

Space Tractor v. Pirates

That damn Pirate pitcher with the nine-foot armspan was the death of us.

Space Tractor v. Darkside

The weather report for this evening was looking pretty bleak, but I was very happy to see all 12 Space Tractor drivers show up as promised tonight at BF Day. We were able to huddle regarding the taunt, throw the silver kickball around quite a bit, and get a bit buzzed. The weather held, the taunt was exceptional, and Space Tractor is now 2-0!

It didn't go exactly as planned, however. Upon seeing the Darkside for the first time this evening pre-game and welcoming them to the field, we found out some unexpected news. You see, last year your captain spent hours and hours constructing a scale model of the USS Enterprise in order to mock the Darkside (get it?). They countered with a rolling-credits-style story about Miss Commish and her vagina and ended up winning the taunt, much to Keytarded's chagrin. This was the team to taunt this season, in my eyes. So when we sauntered up to the Darkside to wish them good luck, we were crestfallen to learn that they hadn't even prepared a taunt for us . Not only that, but they weren't even able to muster enough players for a regulation game. Eight o'clock came and went, and with only six players representing, Darkside was forced to forfeit. A disappointing win for Space Tractor, but a win nonetheless.

The game went on, however, with Darkside poaching players from Tha Tang and Happy Birthdays in order to form a full team. Since we had already won by default, this would be merely an exhibition match. Matt Hodge decided to play the entire game with a beer in his hand. We had two brand new rookies joining us this game, Callie and Kira, and they share MVP status this week for hitting the ground running and totally rocking in true Space Tractor style. Matt Hodge falls from MVP to LVP this week for dropping the ball twice and letting a ball bounce over his hand once. Granted, he did have a full beer in his hand, and granted, he did manage to catch one pop fly even with the beer, but this was his one chance to get LVP and there you have it. The final score: Space Tractor 8, Darkside 9. Good thing they forfeited!

Space Tractor v. Tha Tang

What does Tha Tang taste like! Tha Tang tastes like defeat. Sweet, sweet defeat.

Thanks to great teamwork and several superhuman throws by Matt Hodge, Space Tractor was gloriously victorious on the field yesterday. You guys are awesome.

  • Mindy's fem-bot costume was top-notch. Space Tractor toasted tang, discovered it tasted like defeat, and mocked our opposition. Pathetically, Tha Tang did not taunt us back.
  • Some extremely well-placed kicks by nearly everyone involved. Space Tractor is precision.
  • The two aforementioned throws by Matt Hodge. Holy jeez. The first was lobbed from way past third base toward a Tang runner about to score. It seriously curved around the third base line and connected square in the back of the runner, just steps from home plate. The second was a bunt scooped up by Matt and hurled towards first base. Again, despite the distance, the kickball flew like a heat-seeking rocket and connected with its target to the cheers and amazement of all. So far, Matt is the only one exempt from the "don't throw the ball at the runner" rule.
  • The final out of the game was scored by Matt Daniels. It involved jumping, sliding, throwing, yelling. When the dust cleared the runner was out and the game was over.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Taunting FAQ

How to get the most mileage out of your Space Tractor taunt.

What are the best themes to incorporate into my Space Tractor taunt?
Other than spaceships and farm equipment, we suggest making fun of the things that have made this team great in the past. We are generally loud and exceptionally obnoxious, so you could try to be even more loud and obnoxious than we are. The battery powered keytar has been a staple of this team for years and is always a good target. The team captain dons a thong during playoffs, so making fun of the size of his member might energize your team. Sadly, ex-Commish Sarah Heston is no longer on this team (or with the WKL at all) so making fun of her vagina is off-limits.

The taunt I have in mind for Space Tractor is amazing and hilarious. We are sure to win.
You are so extremely, painfully wrong, my friend.

I'm convinced that my best bet for a Space Tractor taunt would be to involve Miss Commish's fire crotch exposed in some way.
Yes, you and everyone else. I realize the absence of Sarah handicaps your taunt options a great deal, but you're going to have to leave the beaver out of it.